Have your bowels ever been so impacted that you could not pass regularly? Were you hesitant going to your pharmacy to buy an enema thinking that your God would see that as a form of sodomy and deem you an abomination? Worry no more, now there is a way to release those dammed up demons from inside with the loving touch of Christ with Chick-Fil-A's all new enemas. Dan Cathy decided rather than recycling his used oil that fried the ever so delicious chicken fillets, he can bottle it and resell it to his patrons that get constipated from showing their support for traditional marriage by consuming countless chicken sandwiches. It's a simple process, after every shift, the oil cools and is funneled into a plastic bottle, boxed up and shipped out across America to pharmacies to be sold daily. The oil works better than the standard saline solution because of its natural lubrication properties. Now you don't have to worry about a reach around denying you the gates of heaven resulting in an overwhelming show of support for Santorum.
Also in the works from Chick-Fil-A Labs is the Chick-Fil-A Colostomy Bag, with waffle fries. It doubles up as a food & waste carrier, be sure that is the BBQ sauce you're dipping those nuggets in.
Disclaimer: The author has no ties to the workings of Chick-Fil-A and has no knowledge of inner workings of the company. This is satirical opinion, in my opinion that Chick-Fil-A is full of shit.