Secularize This

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Intelligent Descent

In light of the ongoing debate between the Theory of Evolution and the Theory of Intelligent Design.  I am starting an onslaught on one of the most accepted theories in our world today, the Theory of Gravity.  We have taken for granted what is truly pulling us down to the ground, holding our planet in orbit and keeping all celestial neighbors in our solar system in their orbital tracts.  I am out to prove that gravity does not exist and that the orbits of our planets are too complex to be left to some imaginary unconscious force.  Today, I propose to you the Theory of Intelligent Descent.

Genesis 1:31 states that "the heavens and the earth were created in all their vast array" but it does not distinguish as to where the heavens are located.  I am proposing that since God made man in his own image (Genesis 1:27), that God is attempting to pull us closer to heaven, eternal paradise.  When we fall from a ladder or a building, we are accelerating to the center of our planet at a rate of 9.8 m/s/s.  This not only proves that all objects fall at the same rate through space, but also that God is trying to bring all of his creation closer to him without showing favoritism.  All items from a cannon ball to a feather to the bearded sheikh to his bearded wife are all within the grasp of their creator.  He is just pulling us closer in, think of it as a fatherly hug.

Now you may start to argue that scientists have proven that at the Earth's core is nothing but molten rock, churning away from the intense fiery furnace created by the immense amount of gravity holding this rock together as it floats through space.  I tell you that you are wrong.  Have those scientists been to the center of the Earth to prove that it is no more than molten rock?  For all we know the center of the Earth could be as Jules Verne told in his novel.  Granted, as we dig deeper into the Earth's crust the temperatures do increase, it is only because we are getting closer to his embrace.  A wrathful creator found in the Old Testament is bound to have immense amounts of anger, and the anger of a deity is so overwhelming that it radiates heat, melting rock.  The deity tries his best to keep that anger bottled up, but there are events that his creation does that pushes god to the limit (we were made in his image, how far fetched is it to think that god cannot be pushed to the breaking point?) and that penned up anger will overflow in a volcanic eruption releasing his wrath upon the world.

Another argument you may present is the tides and how scientists have proven that the gravitational pull of the moon dictates the tides on our globe.  I put to you that the moon has nothing to do with the tides coming in or out, it is simple water displacement.  The Judeo-Christian God Yahweh is not the one true god.  There are multiple deities that come and go.  Being a deity is hard work, so once their done, they allow their civilization to crumble ushering in new deities.  Twice a day, these deities gather in the oceans to chat about what's going on in their immortal existence.  Think of it like a bunch of senior citizens sitting in a hot tub.  The water is simply displaced by the immense presence of these all powerful beings.  That is what brings the tides in and out on a daily basis.

Finally, the argument about the other planets staying in orbit around the sun.  I accept the fact that we live in a heliocentric system where we revolve around the sun, but I do not accept the fact that it is gravity that keeps the orbiting globes in their places.  I present to you the slot car racing theory.  Yahweh went to visit Shiva one day and Shiva got a new slot car track.  Yahweh was supremely jealous of this as he did not have a slot car track.  In a feat of one-up-man-ship, Yahweh created the additional planets not mentioned in Genesis and put them in their own slots.  When Allah, Shiva, Buddha, Ra and others come over to visit Yahweh they're playing slot cars.  Everyone wants to get Mercury because it's the fastest, nobody likes Jupiter because it is big and slow, the same with Saturn, Neptune & Uranus.  And the reason that Pluto is no longer considered a planet is because Ra has a horrible temper and threw Pluto against the wall, shattering it to where it will no longer run on the slot car...true story.

With just a few paragraphs and reading only a few versus in ancient text, I have disproved centuries of scientific study about gravity because gravity is only a theory just like evolution.  We should attack all the theories that are accepted and mainstream and show how deities have influenced our everyday lives.